Wow, my mind is still swhirling !! My mother is here for a few days before she takes my son on a whirlwind trip to Washington DC, so this gave us a mere 2 days to switch over all of my grandmas info to my care. Oh if it were just a letter stating Zaundia is now in charge, but nope not that easy, why would it be ??
The list to do
1. go to Walgreen's set up Hippa permissions, for me to get meds & get info, have the address changed to Duluth, and set up for auto text alerts for her refills .... easy enough
2. Go to Dr. office to get a Minnesota advanced medical care directive, go over it with grandma, try and restrain your emotions as you write that you don't want her to have CPR, and finish the rest of the form, without tears knowing that you just NEED to do this.
3. Call Neurologist to set up consult & give them her med info & insurance info
4. Go BACK to DR. to pick up a DNR & DNI form as well, as give them her insurance info & med info, and make an apt.
5. Drive to Court house, stop in FIVE different offices trying to find where I can get a NEW Power of attorney form, by the fifth office I was near tears. The lady looked at me like I was nuts to be so frazzled over a tiny form.
6. Go to bank to switch signers & beneficiaries only to find out that we can only do that AFTER the Power of attorney has been filled out, which is not legal till we get it notarized.
7. Google all address of old Dr. to fill out medical release forms and mail them.
I'm sure I grew gray hairs in the process, but I got allot done, if it was JUST paperwork it would still be hard but this is someones LIFE ! Decision's of care for her life and death all in my hands ( at least it feels that way )... still cant wrap my mind around it. On a POSITIVE SIDE NOTE we found a wonderful lady at our church who will come to our house so I don't have to move my grandma, and notarize the forms with witness for free, so we can hand then over to the Dr. on Monday.
You don't understand, I know I didn't! What it looks like, when you look the person you love in the eyes, as your discussing their mortality, knowing that their days are numbered, and you aren't promised anything, none of us are but her for sure, and the quality isn't either, you have to emotionally remove yourself for a moment because it needs to be done, but at the same time you have thoughts running in your mind, of the gravity of it all ! My God this is not just a paper ! This will happen, I know its her wishes but I am the one legally, well Friday legally, to enforce it. God is in control & I know that,but I don't like the control these small papers seem to hold !
I talked with a friend today who is in med school re my grandmas DNR & DNI, he was such a help, and reinforced that these are her wishes and I need to view them as such, he's a wise & compassionate man,he seemed to know the questions, & fears on my mind. I am grateful for him & his wife they know who they are, they have been such great frineds to us, I pray in all this busyness we can be the same to them. Gosh I could write more but I have no more words..... today was tough! I ran around all day with a tear stuck in my throat, and I am going to bed with it still there. Blessings Z
Your journey has just begun. I know today was a rough day and I'm sure that you will have many more days similar to that... but you are doing an amazing thing by taking your Grandmother in. I know you will never regret doing this for her - no matter how hard you find the process to be. Cherish your days with her, that way when the time comes for her to go - you will have peace that you have done what you needed to do. I love you!
ReplyDeleteHi ZZ,
ReplyDeleteI wrote something and then somehow it got erased. ZZ, I wanted to thank you for honoring me by inviting me into your private thoughts as you embark on this new journey with your grandmother. What a blessing you are to your Grandmother, to your mother, and to all of us who love Opal. The tears freely flowed as I read your entries and so related to them all. When you love deeply, you ache deeply. I so identify because I have been caring for my own mom for the past 10 years in various capacities. I started writing good bye letters to my mom years ago, keeping a special book of Mom's Christmas letters, my own feelings, and things related to her...saying goodbye to various levels of independence as she moved over into the column of dependency. You will have many days of tearfulness, but during this time and in the end, your heart will also swell with joy as you know that you did everything you could to honor your beloved Grandmother.
My own mother is now 95, soon to be 96 and it is not a burden to do what I do for her. I know you are going to feel it more so because Aunt Opal is in your house right now and doing for her. But as I have taken care of my Mom, I looked at it as serving our Lord and I have been able to stay joyful. I will treasure your blog entries, ZZ. Give Aunt Opal a special hug and kiss for me! Love you!
Blessings,
Linda
ZZ,
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I wanted to say is that when I didn't think I would be able to handle "it" when "it" came....I heard the Lord say to me through His Word, "My grace is sufficient for thee." It has and will be so!
Blessings,
Linda