Sunday, June 12, 2011
The first shower
When my grandma moved here, my mom came as well, so my mom, naturally bathed her. Now that my mom is gone, today I will bathe her for the first time. I have a myriad of feelings, some fear, & some worry that I wont do it right, but mostly I feel bad for her. She still, very much has her mind, that will go slowly, its her body that is failing her faster. I'm stricken with what she might be feeling, how does it feel to be a grown woman, & have someone else bathe you ? Maybe she thinks nothing of it, but she was such an independent woman, is my bathing her a loss to her ? Is this another step on the journey that she will grieve the loss of ? I'm afraid to ask her, in case she hadn't thought of it already I don't want to put my fears into the situation. Anyways weird blog topic I know, but I want to capture all of it. ~ Z
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Well, my fears were unfounded. Before we started she smiled, & said " well isnt this pay back, for all the time's I changed you! " And said with a wink no less. So a deep sigh of relief ahhhh ....... it was NOT as hard as I thought, and oddly even natural, infact if its even possible, I almost loved her more in that moment. ~ Zaundia
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