The words you don't want to hear

It happened again, my grandma woke up talking to people who went there, getting angry at things that simply were not happening, and talking about Don again as if he were alive. I didn't get as alarmed this time, after all last time it was due to an infection, surly she had an infection again, it had to be. The day progressed last Wed and it worsened, it wasn't a " moment " of dimentia, it was the whole day and into the night. The nurse came over, and took a urine sample, and the Dr. Prescribed antibiotics until the test came back. Simple as 123, infect early the next morning she was herself again, and I marveled at how fast this new antibiotic worked. And then it happened around 3:00pm in the afternoon the Dr. Called and said the results were back, and " she did NOT have an infection. "?you would think that's what you would want to hear, but not so ...... This meant that the 24hrs of dimentia was not due to anything other than her disease, their is no miracle pill, no antibiotic that will ( take it away )this was simply another part of this horrid disease. I literally felt like someone had socked me. The Dr. Said that it could of been so bad due to her pain, or the pain killers, and that it's not uncommon for someone to have a block of dimentia like that, for 2hrs, 4 hrs, or even 24hrs. In that moment I got incredibly angry, angry at everything that had to do with this thief of a disease. I thought of the movie " The Notebook " and how they romanticized it. Their is nothing pretty, or Hollywood about it ! One moment I have my grandma, and the next I don't. I ended up walking outside to sit on the step, I needed fresh air, and I thought about death, and aging, a fear came over me. I'm a Christian, and I believe in heaven but in those moments it angered me just the thought of how you can die in an instant without warning, or you can die slowly falling apart bit by bit. I thought about the twins we lost this year, and how it felt to fight something you can't see, the futility of knowing that no matter what I did what would be would be, and how I was feeling that same futility again. No pill, no treatment, it's just the way it is, whether I like it or not.